greetings readers…

i once wrote something about duality. i’m not going to repeat my ramblings and further engulf you in a sea of tension and confusion, but i’m going to base my next posting from that one.

this evening, i was at a friend’s recently deceased aunt’s place for prayers. it was there, while joining in the prayer service that i was thinking about what i’m going to rant about for tonight’s post. it then clicked to me, that the end of life is actually the beggining of a new one, so why mourn excessively over it? this, by far only comparable to love is one of the strongest emotional bond that is with everyone, regardsless of creed, colour and nationality. death of a loved one is a terrible experience to live with, and the closer ties one has had will only make it more painful. i know, and this coming from me means that to many i could have developed a rock like, cold heart. but it hasn’t developed that way, but actually it is more sensitive now to the underlaying fundamentals that are, as some people say, beyond the mortal realm.

now why am i being so sombre and macarbe at this point of time? i just miss my dad being around. and going for services such as the one i went for in the evening juggles back vivid memories surrounding my father’s demise, the emotional roller coaster we as a family had to go through and so on. it also reflects on my personal development, on how i have come in terms with the duality of it all. when there is an end, it will point back to a begining. it starts back a cycle. look at it in this perspective, the departure of a member of a cohesive unit, each with their own specialised skills and talents will lead to a massive reorganisation and reshuffle. at times it can be replaced with another of similr qulities, but when the project is at it’s highest maturity level, replacement becomes an obsolete idea. this can be seen in the light of losing someone very close to your heart, life and soul too. this new phase in life marks the begining of a new experience, signalled by the demise, or the end of that very person previously responsible for their duties.

i still remember the times when i just dreaded going back to the beach, especially the beaches of port dickson. its a traditional hindu custom that the ashes of the cremated loved ones will be set to wash away by the rising tide and released into the ocean, signifying the release of the soul into the sea that is life. whenever i set forth to the beach side, it quickly brings back to the time where i had to carry my dad’s ashes on my shoulder and release him into the ocean, all clear, vivid, and such normally follows with bitter dissapointment with the Man upstairs. now, i’ve come back one big circle. one big circle that is. here, and now, i truly accept its duality. and mourning, no matter how far it helps , would better off replaced with prayers and service.

so, where did i go today? a flashback into almost 5 years of untold agony of living in a family that was emotionally clinging onto the father figure. and i came back with fond memories, are a rerun of the precious lessons i’ve learnt over the times. and then of course meeting back my good friend and his motherly like sister. a very nice evening indeed.

cheers everyone, and where did you go today?

signing off….

sleepy joe (*yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaawn*)